What is Radical Acceptance and how do I do it??
Have you ever found yourself thinking:
“This shouldn't be happening”
"It's not fair”
“It shouldn’t not be this way”
When we experience painful, challenging or unexpected events, our natural instinct is often to fight the reality of the situation. Often our initial response is to try to change it or remove the pain. While it is completely normal to feel hurt, angry or disappointed, fighting the facts of a situation only turns our initial pain into deep, prolonged suffering. This is where the psychological skill of radical acceptance can be an invaluable tool.
What is Radical Acceptance?
Originating from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), radical acceptance is the practice of accepting reality as it is, completely and without judgment. It means acknowledging the facts of the situation without fighting them or trying to change them in the moment.
It is crucial to note that acceptance does not mean approval. Accepting a difficult situation does not mean you like it, condone it, or agree with it. It simply means you are no longer stuck in fighting the reality of what has already occurred. By stopping the internal battle, you free up your mental and emotional energy to decide on your next steps rather than remaining stuck in the pain of the past.
Why do we resist reality?
Our minds often resist reality because we mistakenly believe that accepting a situation means we are giving up or ‘letting people off the hook’ or ‘get away with it’. We might feel that if we acknowledge the facts, we are somehow saying that the event was acceptable. However, resisting the facts does not change them - it only prolongs our suffering and keeps us tethered to distress.
How do I practice Radical Acceptance?
Radical acceptance is a skill that takes time, patience and practice and therapy can help with this challenging process.
Here are four steps to help you get started:
Notice when you are fighting reality: Pay close attention to your thoughts and physical reactions. Are you repeatedly thinking, "This shouldn't be happening”, “it shouldn’t be this way” or“it is not fair”or feeling tense, angry and resistant to the current moment?
Remind yourself of the facts: Acknowledge the reality of the present moment. State the facts simply and objectively to yourself, leaving out emotional judgments like "good" or "bad". Focus purely on what has occurred.
Practice with your body: Sometimes changing your physical posture can help your mind follow. Try relaxing your shoulders unclenching your jaw and opening your palms upwards. This physiological shift signals to your mind that you’re letting go of physical resistance.
Acknowledge that life can be worth living: Remind yourself that even though the situation is painful or difficult, you can still find meaning, experience joy and move forward.
Practicing radical acceptance doesn't mean giving up, it means giving yourself the best chance to heal. By choosing to accept reality as it is, you free yourself from the emotional exhaustion of fighting the unchangeable, allowing space for genuine self-compassion and growth.